Object jokes

I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.

What objects have the most gravitational force?

A Lambo and a gold digger.

What is a fish with no eyes?

A fsh!!!!!

What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital?

Reload and keep shooting.

What did the rope say to me?

"Hey there man, you wanna hang later?"

I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll.

What does your mom and a slinky have in common?

They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.

What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?

- A baseball bat.

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon.

What do you call a cute door?

Adoorable.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.