I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.
What objects have the most gravitational force?
A Lambo and a gold digger.
What is a fish with no eyes?
A fsh!!!!!
What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
What did the rope say to me?
"Hey there man, you wanna hang later?"
I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll.
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?
- A baseball bat.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon.
What do you call a cute door?
Adoorable.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
