Short jokes

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!

Horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.

Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal party the balloon came out green.

While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.

What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?

Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.

"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"

"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"

I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.

I'm not looking for consent, I'm looking for cooperation!

Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?

Too many cheetahs!

What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?

"It's pasture bed time."

Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?

Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!

Son: How did it taste?

Dad: Get out.

Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.

Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

Where do you learn to make ice cream? -- Sundae school.

PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. We're gonna make love because I'm stronger than you.

Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.

Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!

The British equivalent to 9/11 would be a big red bus crashing into Big Ben.