Short jokes
I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.
What does Bugs Bunny say when he has a boner?
"What's up, cock?"
How are rape and airplanes similar?
The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75.
An orphan girl wanted a family so she was raped until pregnant. Problem solved.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
Are you an orphanage?
Why?
Because I wanna put my kids in you.
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"
Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."
"Just say no to drugs!"
Well, if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?
She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
I can't find out where Stephen Hawking is from, I just can't place his accent.
I went to a park, then I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair, then screamed "Rocket League!"
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
What do skeletons hate the most about wind?
Nothing, it goes right through them.
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.