Mistake Jokes

Death&Decay

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin

Jybori

Children in the dark make mistakes Mistakes in the dark make children

Shujiko

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The old lady thinks, “I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.”

The blonde thinks, “I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me and she slapped him.”

The Frenchman thinks, “I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.”

The Englishman thinks, “I can’t wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again.”

2
Anonymous
in Puns

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? – It was a grave mistake.

6
Ethan McGuire
in Little Johnny

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " fucking, fuck,fuck,Fuck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen fucking the turkey.

Anonymous
in Baby

Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I’ve ever made.

Then I realize “My daughter isn’t THAT bad…”

ya boi

guy spills milk on a me i say " it’s OK we all make mistakes sometimes but apparently your mom made a big one

5
billy teh moot
in Baby

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

Anonymous
in Parent

Kid: what is the biggest mistake you made in your life. Parents: go look above the bathroom sink *kid goes and looks but then he reilises

Natalie

A boy breaks a vase and his mom says its ok honey mistakes happen how do you think you were born

LOLMUM87
in Offensive

if mistakes make people human than your parents must have been alligators before you were born

Anus McDickNuggets
in Offensive

Guys don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section it was the worst mistake of my life!

Anonymous
in Chernobyl

Don’t let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake but it ended up fulfilling the 5 year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.

Beep Boop Bop

Here are a few:

While I was out shopping i tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me, for fun I said “Sorry! It’s been awhile since I’ve possessed a body.” She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs. . . I hope!

Son: Dad why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won’t eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won’t eat a person.

Pro joker

A kid asks his dad why his name is expirence, the dad says that’s what we give our mistake’s.

Anonymous

It’s a grave mistake to talk badly about the death

Anonymous
in Roast

Don’t mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.

Anonymous

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while bieng at work was and i replied " being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers"

I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes

He hugged me!

Anonymous
in God

What did God say when he made Jake Paul?

Oops, I made a mistake.