My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like
jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter
Stephen Hawking’s death was purely accidental. He clicked “shut-down” instead of “sleep”.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
Child: *drinking milk*
Farmer: hey, what are you doing?
Child: oh I just milked one of your cows
Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls
Child: *realizes*
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.
A boy breaks a vase and his mom says its ok honey mistakes happen how do you think you were born
Kid: what is the biggest mistake you made in your life. Parents: go look above the bathroom sink *kid goes and looks but then he reilises
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
When I was born the doctors said , “it’s a boy!” Then when they went to cut the embilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said , “OH, It’s a girl.”
Someone at school judged my grammar. I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun Silly Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.
A is for apple, B is for dyslexia- oh wait no! That’s d!
what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?
you find the real one.
My ex was orphan as a child I should have taken that as the first sign. If her parents didn't want her, why would I.
Guys don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section it was the worst mistake of my life!
