Short jokes

My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.

Titanic - "Yo, look at that sexy babe of an iceberg, let's hit her!"

Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.

My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.

All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.

I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

Life would be so much easier if grass was emo.

Because it would cut itself.

"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."

While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.

Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal party the balloon came out green.

What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?

Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.

"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"

"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"

I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!

Horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.

What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?

Special forces.

Btw, I'm 13.

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Crackers.

I'm not looking for consent, I'm looking for cooperation!

An orphan girl wanted a family so she was raped until pregnant. Problem solved.