Short jokes
I got arrested for raping a girl. Its so unfair, i really thought she was dead.
Why did the lettuce win the race?
For Charlie D'Amelio fans, my basement is your home now. Leave a like if you agree with me.
What do you call gulls in the sea? Seagulls!
Q: Knock, knock? Who’s there? A: Boo. A: Boo who? Boo who? Don't cry, it's just a joke!
What's up with airline food?
VVD [is] better than Sergio Ramos.
Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
He was looking for "poo."
One time my receipt broke before I even got to my truck.
What did the pickle do on the road?
It said, "I'm Pickle Rick!"
What is the difference between me and a retard?
At least I have chromosomes.
I can't come in, because I'm too high.
Why are orphans so bad at playing poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.
What's America's best class?
Gun 101.
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
Orphan: Help, I'm lost.
Someone: Wears your parents.
Orphan: >:(
I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"
I don't know.