Short jokes
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
Did you hear about the new sex doll they've invented for Muslims?
It blows itself up!!
I don’t think 9/11 jokes are funny... they just crash and burn.
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75.
I'm not looking for consent, I'm looking for cooperation!
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
I can't find out where Stephen Hawking is from, I just can't place his accent.
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
Are you an orphanage?
Why?
Because I wanna put my kids in you.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"
Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."
What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?
She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
"Just say no to drugs!"
Well, if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
I went to a park, then I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair, then screamed "Rocket League!"
What do skeletons hate the most about wind?
Nothing, it goes right through them.
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!