Short jokes
I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.
With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.
There is a lot of difference between a man and a woman saying, "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."
What do Nike and the KKK have in common?
They both make Black people run faster.
I just found out I'm colorblind. News came out of the purple.
What do you call a bus full of transgender men? T-Mobile.
I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.
It was a touching story.
What makes sad people jump? A bridge.
Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?
A: The size of balls they play with.
I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
Are you an orphanage?
Why?
Because I wanna put my kids in you.
"Just say no to drugs!"
Well, if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?
She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.
My dad just comes and goes.
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.