Short jokes
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal party the balloon came out green.
What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?
Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.
"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"
"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"
Horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.
He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.
Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?
Too many cheetahs!
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
"It's pasture bed time."
Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.
Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
Where do you learn to make ice cream? -- Sundae school.
PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."
Why is rape worse than death?
Because dead people get way more attention.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.
Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.
Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!
Sunday was a sad day, but yesterday was a sadder day.
I got a pen for my baby sister. Best trade I made so far.
This is not even a joke, it's a serious question... Is eating ass considered cannibalism?