Short jokes
Brother: Your eyebrows look hella bad.
Sister: I don’t even think you know what eyebrows are supposed to look like because you have none.
I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.
What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 2.5-hour Energy?
What's the definition of suspicious?...
A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. 💀
Pop a choccy milk!
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.
Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:
"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
What do you call an artist with a brown finger?
Picasshole.
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."
Why don’t orphans play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
What do you call a peso?
A wetback greenback.
Fat kids are so fat, they have their own gravitational pull.