Short jokes
What do you say to a pig with no nose? You have n'ought a snout!
Why is the iPhone 7 not a smartphone?
It doesn't know jack.
Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.
How many guns can an octopus hold?
9
I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!
What time do dogs 🐕 get a walk done ✅?
Time to walk with your dog 🐶!
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!
Roses are red, lilacs are purple, I have a turtle, his name is Squirtle.
What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them, haha!
Justin Bieber
What did the brother cell say when the sister cell stepped on his foot? Ow, mitosis! (my toe, sis)
Your mom gay.
My wife purely hates me for me having sex with our daughter.
It's not my fault I couldn't wait to get out of the abortion clinic!
Rape jokes aren't funny.