Short jokes
Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.
What comes to visit more often than your aunt? Your acne.
How did the orphan die?
Of sadness.
If there are 12 fish and 6 drown, how many are left?
12, because fish don't drown.
In the Middle Ages it was illegal for a blind man to become a king.
I mean, I don't see why not.
Why does everybody like the sun? Because it's hot.
What does Mickey's wife drive?
A Minnie-Van!
Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.
My will to live.
What did one hurricane say to the other?
"I got my EYE on you!"
Gvido gubis.
Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.
Have you heard the gossip about the butter? Oh, I guess I better not spread it.
Person 1: Hey, did you hear about the circus fire?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: It was in-tents.
You want a pizza from me!!!!
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.
Myles Parfitt ;/
The great meme reset is like a fart. If you force it, it's gonna be shit.