Short jokes

Yo head built like 2 parentheses.

Hairline got cut by a broken teacup.

What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?

"It will be over soon."

When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"

I asked an orphan where his parents were. Then I remembered, they're gone.

What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?

She can't say no!

Má ég fara heim?

(In an infant-esque voice.)

I saw a robbery at the Apple store.

Am I an iWitness?

The inventor of the umbrella was just going to call it "brella," but he hesitated.

What happened to the guy who tried to catch fog?

He mist.

I told an orphan that I watch Family Guy, and he seemed disappointed, so I reminded him that he has no family.

Caca.

I tried to have phone sex once.

But the holes were too small.

So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.

That’s the punch line.

What's the difference between Clark Kent and chicken noodle?

One is Super. The other is just soup.

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

I'm sorry and I apologize mean the same thing, except at a funeral.

I always knew that Maranda Sings was orbiting Uranus.

How come your sister is hotter than you? Funny, huh?

Why did the female orphan become a prostitute?

Because she wanted someone to call "daddy".