School

Anonymous

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question, can go home." A boy throws his bag out the window.

The teacher asks, “Who just threw that?”

The boy says, “Me! I’m going home now.”

School

Anonymous

One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one then he/she should stand up. After a minute a boy stands up.

The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he’s an idiot.

The boy says, “No, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself.”

School

Anonymous

Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked in to the classroom. The teacher asked them, “Why are you arguing?”

One of the boys replied, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”

“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher. “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.”

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

Crush

Bobby Shmurda

When your crush walks in class but youre homeschooled…

Head

Anonymous

Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.

Little Johnny

Anonymous

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: no one stands up Teacher: Oh c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. waves her finger around the left side of the room Little Johnny: stands up Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.

Ice

Anonymous

A teacher asks a boy in her class “If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?” The boy responds with “None.” The teacher asks why. “They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot.” The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think. Later, the boy asks the teacher “3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?” The teacher says “The one sucking it.” The boy says “No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think.”

Die

Hangy boi

Teacher: Ok class I’m going to ask a question about your family. Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11 Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY! Alex: Don’t worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died. Teacher: What was that? Alex: Flew the plane.

Little Johnny

Anonymous

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down. Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around. And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.

Depression

De-Pressed-Anxiety

Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : raises hand Teacher : … The half of the class: Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it

Name

Whats_My_Name?

A kid walks in late to class, the teacher asks him “why are you late?” and he replies “I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake” Another kid walks in late to class and the teacher asks him “why are you late” and he replies “I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake”, The last kid walks in and the teacher says “why are you late?..and why are you wet?” and the kid says back REMEBER MY NAME IS PEBBLES!!

Gun

Anonymous

What’s the similarity between a bag of chips and a gun?

When you pull one out in class, everybody wants to be your friend.

Girl

Anonymous

The teacher asks her class “What is sex?” and Little Jonny stands up and says “sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl’s destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?” and the teacher fainted.

Puns

Anonymous

little johnny was siting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life and ask him " little johnny how do you want your wife to be like" and he answered " like the moon" and the teacher said " that’s such a beautiful answer because it calm and peaceful " and little johnny said " no because it appears at night and disappears in the morning"

Puns

Credit to mah friend

Rainbows TOP the class as they always score with flying colours

Name

TheAbyss

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, " What is a tragedy?" One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, “if my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy.” Bill Clinton replies, “That would be an accident, not a tragedy.” A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, “If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy.” Bill Clinton replies once again with: “That would be a great loss, not a tragedy.” All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says “If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!” “Yes!” Says Bill Clinton “How do you know?” Matthew says happily, “It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!”

Little Johnny

Ehhhhh

in English class the teacher says (Teacher): Kids you need to say the alphabet ok Sally you first. (Sally): Okay a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z. (Teacher): good job Sally. Then the teacher called on 4 other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on little Johnny. (Teacher): Little Johnny say the alphabet. (Little Johnny): bcefghijklmnopsvwxyz. (Teacher): no Johnny that’s not right. (Johnny): oh I forgot u r a q t. (Teacher). No still not right and thank you. (Johnny): oh I’ll give you the d later . (Class): (laughing). (Teacher): GO TO THE OFFICE NOW .

Kid

EnderGardian28

The teacher of the ELA class sead that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next ot the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he sead, Me im going home. Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and sead,“At the end of this ruler is a idiot”, he got suspended for asking witch end.

Teacher

Overcome, change adapt

I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn’t like it if we don’t work on math in his class. So I did science homework on top of a math book

Little Johnny

Anonymous

One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy ‘Darling how does my dictate’ "

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