Discount jokes
I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.
What's the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store?
Scan the wrist and you might get a discount.
I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.
If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.
People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!
Why did Michael Jackson rush to Walmart?
He heard boys' pants were half off!
Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.
Why do emos get discounts at every shop? Because they have barcodes on their wrists.
What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off!
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
Why did Michael Jackson go to Walmart? Because he heard boys' pants were half off!
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
Tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. I mean, there's a skele-ton of em! You gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. Now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. Besides, if ya don't know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. Did those tickle your funny bone? Now I've been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. Now if you hate all these, I won't be bothered, I got thick skin! But first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. Now, I gotta go to Grillby's. They got a discount on spare-ribs. Bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."
Kenney lost his virginity to a $10 hooker, but he only had to pay $5. She was his sister, so he got the family discount.
I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.
Why are emos useful in stores? A: Their barcodes give them discounts.