Discount jokes
If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.
What's the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store?
Scan the wrist and you might get a discount.
I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.
Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?
Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!
How do you get a discount off groceries?
Scan the emo kid's wrists.
Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.
Cashier: Sure!
Elderly man: Danke.
Want to save 50% on your Chinese?
Just ask before you pay.
What do Jane Doe and a cheap discount store have in common?
When the shop's open late, inventory management shuts down, but we all know there's probably some sausages in there.
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks.
You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
Scan my wrist for 75% off!
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.
Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.
Customer: Okay?
Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.
By: MiniMemorials.com
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
What is the legal term for shoplifting?
10 fingers discount.
Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
Why do emos get discounts at every shop? Because they have barcodes on their wrists.
Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.
I went to the store the other day and scanned an emo's arm.
It gave me a discount!
I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.