Short jokes

Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road?

To get to the dark side.

My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.

My parents used to make me and my siblings apologize to the ground when we stomped.

If I had done "it," I would have gotten SO many apologies.

"Stop bullying me!"

No.

Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."

Tyler: "Why?"

Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."

I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.

If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.

If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.

People said that Kobe could fly so high, but that did not end well.

Remember 2000? It was scary.

What did the weed say before he got on the escalator?

A project where people get lined up to be changed.

What do you call an autistic ant? An Evelyn.

Eh.

I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.

What do a brand new house, me, and new jewelry box have in common?

We're all empty on the inside.

My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is, until my mom took the urn away from me.

Your hairline is so ugly, even Dora the Explorer can’t even do it.

A hand job from a deaf person counts as oral.