Homeless jokes
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
What did the pornstar say to the unemployed homeless man?
Get a fucking job.
What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?
A pillow fight.
So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.
What do you call 2 homeless people throwing rocks at each other? "Pillow Fight!"
I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.
I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.
What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?
They both have no way home!
What do an orphan and a homeless person have in common?
They have no one to call "Dad."
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
Why are orphans so good at GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
What is the difference between an orphan and a cat?
The cat is actually cute.
I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.
Like it’s my next meal.
I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.
What do you call a homeless bounty hunter?
Hobo Fett!
What do orphans and garbage have in common?
They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.
Me: "Gift a homeless kid iPhone 7."
The kid: But it has no home button.
Me: Exactly. 💀