Homeless Jokes

Person

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Anonymous

Kid: hey dad whats dark humor ? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him . Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms . Dad: exactly son.

7
Anonymous

Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is

Anonymous

What’s the best part of dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere.

0
Orphanator
in Orphan

What do you call a grown up orphan? Homeless

Anonymous

Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”

9
Juice
in Spiderman

Whats the similarities between spiderman and a homeless person

They both have no way home!

FreemantheDemon

I offered to share a Meal with an Homeless Person once but he said “Piss off and buy your Own”

Anonymous

(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes)

  1. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick

  2. I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.

  3. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.

  1. Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

  2. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

  3. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

  4. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Loan Yoda
in Star Wars

What do you call a homeless bounty hunter?
Hobo Fett!

Anonymous

What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man? He made no cents

Anonymous

I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.

Anonymous
in Common

What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?

They don’t cook because they love eating out

Anonymous
in Poor

This homeless lady called me ugly so I told her “ok then imma just go on home”

Sneaky frie

A starving homeless kid ask me for food

I said “sorry,my plate is full”

1

The Wine Taster At An Old Vineyard Died. A Homeless Guy, Looking Ragged And Dirty, Came To Apply. He Persuaded The Manager To Give Him A Try. The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit. “It’s a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels." He said. “Impressive,” said the manager.

The man is given another. "Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in a steel vats.”

The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said. “It’s a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don’t get this job, I’ll tell who the father is!”

in Dark Humor

Why cant homeless people be gay?

They dont have a closet to get out of

TomGore

What did the pornstar say to the unemployed homeless man? Get a fucking job.

Anonymous

Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock? – She started her period.

0
Not a killer

Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the streat?

To get them into his van.