Rope jokes

Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.

Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)

You look sexy with that rope around your neck.

What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.

Dentist: Open up, sir.

Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.

Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.

Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.

Dentist: Do you need help??

Me: Yep.

Dentist: ...

Me: ....

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)

Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.

What did the talking rope say to the man?

"Just hang in there."

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?

The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.

What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?

Showing them the ropes.

I did a bungee jump for charity recently. It was called "spastics on elastics."

An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?

The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.

Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.

God creating spiders.

God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”

Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”