Sex jokes
What do you call a thirsty girl?
An H2Hoe.
I'll give you an A because you're awesome.
B because you're beautiful.
A C because you're caring.
And I'll give you this D cuz you deserve it.
Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
Memes
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?
That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
Q: What's another name for cumming inside a woman?
A: Loading up the dishwasher.
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
What comes after 69?
Period.
What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?
Driving under the influencer.
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.