Sex jokes
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke weed.
Jack and Jill got high, and Jack ripped Jill's clothes right off her. Then Jill ripped Jack's clothes off. Jack, when they were fully naked, they started to kiss, but Jack stopped. Jill said, "I know you wanna." Jack said, "No," but Jill jumped on that candy stick anyway. Jack gave in to Jill.
Jill got off, then let Jack suck her candy stick. Jill sucked on Jack's candy stick.
Q: What’s the hardest thing about fucking a dude with a dildo?
A: Making sure he doesn’t wake up.
What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don’t care if she has one.
If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?
I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.
I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"
Imagine everyone being hoes.
What’s the difference between 69 and High School?
In 69 you usually only kiss one c*nt and look at one a**hole.
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?
Getting neck!
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
What does Amy Rose like? Blue balls.
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
What does a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him. That's it for now.
Who's in my ass?
Your sister.
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
How do you know if your sister's on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes funny.
What's worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.
You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rapper with erectile dysfunction.
Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.