Sex jokes

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don’t care if she has one.

What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?

Getting neck!

Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.

Roses are red, violets are blue,

I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.

I used to be a man in a woman’s body. And then I was born.

You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rapper with erectile dysfunction.

Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.

What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?

They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.

My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!

What does a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Who's in my ass?

Your sister.

Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because he put the wrong sock was put on.

Hehe.

Why is life like penises?

Women make it hard.

How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!

If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?

Imagine everyone being hoes.

What’s the difference between 69 and High School?

In 69 you usually only kiss one c*nt and look at one a**hole.

Spare.

You got a spare, spare me an inch of that far juicy cock.