Sex jokes
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
I want your cock in my rock bottom.
Eat my ass!
What's the definition of a bastard?
Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!
What's another name for cumming inside a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?
Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!"
"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.
He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."
My girlfriend passed away recently.
At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.
Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.
What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?
A tongue workout!
Hey, you down to fuck?
No, I’m just down.
Why did the two balls cross the road?
To get to the penis!
Sorry, too rude?
A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."
(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)
A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."
2 weeks here.
What do dicks and popsicles have in common?
They both like to be sucked on, and they sometimes choke you.
So, little Johnny is walking down the street and asks a stranger, "Sir, what are hormones?"
Then the man replies, "The moans of a fucking whore!"
When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.
Why do pedos like to lose races? Because they like to cum on a little behind.
Just cum.
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."