Sex jokes

What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?

They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.

Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.

I suck my dick.

What do you call a thirsty girl?

An H2Hoe.

Imagine everyone being hoes.

I'll give you an A because you're awesome.

B because you're beautiful.

A C because you're caring.

And I'll give you this D cuz you deserve it.

The QUEEN is JACK! KING off the JOKER!

I know what you're thinking, pervert. Actually, the joke's about a jester in drag. OK, I’m joking, the Queen cheated on the King with the Jester.

What did your mom say last night? "Go harder!"

Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.

What's the difference between three cocks and a joke?

Your mom can't take a joke.

What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?

Driving under the influencer.

Q: What's another name for cumming inside a woman?

A: Loading up the dishwasher.

Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?

A. He marks the camels that kick.

How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?

The psychologist will thank you for coming.

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?

I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!

How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?

That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.