Sex jokes

If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!

How do you know if your sister's on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes funny.

What's worse than fingering your sister?

Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.

What does a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Who's in my ass?

Your sister.

My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don’t care if she has one.

What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?

Getting neck!

Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.

Roses are red, violets are blue,

I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.

I used to be a man in a woman’s body. And then I was born.

You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rapper with erectile dysfunction.

What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?

They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.

Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.

I suck my dick.

What do you call a thirsty girl?

An H2Hoe.

Imagine everyone being hoes.

I'll give you an A because you're awesome.

B because you're beautiful.

A C because you're caring.

And I'll give you this D cuz you deserve it.