Sex jokes
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
What's the difference between three cocks and a joke?
Your mom can't take a joke.
What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?
Driving under the influencer.
How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?
That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
What's the difference between red wings and old cassette tape players?
One eats tape while the other eats pussy.
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
What do guns and women have in common?
They both get cocked and loaded.
Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.
Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...
I didn’t expect her to come back so early.
Why did the orphan girl cry during sex?
Because her boyfriend said "Who's your daddy?"
BAJAHAHAHHAA
I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.
What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?
Both get hard when we play with them.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
What comes after 69?
Period.
We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.