Mouth Jokes

Sally

Anonymous
·

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

Teacher: 502.

Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Teacher:No you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!

Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door

Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one? Teacher: let me guess the lion?

Student: No!The giraffe because He's in a fridge.

Teacher: WOW!

Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

Student:The gators are at the party.

Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

Teacher:She drowned?!

Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

Wife

Scott
·

**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?

Red

Mr. Priest
·

What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing his mouth was full.

8

Hope

·

Theres an outbreak of the foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.

I hope my teacher will be ok

Depression

.no..
·

dentist: open up sir

me:so..i hate my life my family my sisters my dog my cat and i tried to take a bath with my toaster but my dog took it that's why i hate my dog and my cat died trying to chew my rope it choked.....yea

dentist: i.. meant your mouth .. so i can clean your teeth

me: :O ohhhh my bad

dentist : do u need help??

me: yep

dentist:...

me: ....

Jack and Jill

no name
·

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jills candy But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jills real name is Randy

Ball

freshfry
·

call me willma, willma balls fit ya mouth!!

6

America

Anonymous
·

Apparently Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

0

Difference

Hahahomo
·

What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette? They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire

Ball

Anonymous
·

Do you know Putin Putin these balls in your mouth

4

Roast

Z
·

1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

2. Oh you’re talking to me, I thought you only talked behind my back.

3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

8

Inch

·

what at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth and its more fun if it vibrates ? a toothbrush

Anti

Anonymous
·

What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?

They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

Horse

Daniel King
·

Why do horses 🐴 eat with their mouth open?

Because they have bad stable manners.

Ball

catboy227
·

DR Brody: Sir your son has a disease called boofa dad: whats boofa? DR Brody: both of these nuts in your mouth

1

Animal

Anonymous
·

What did one fish say to the other?

Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.

Jack and Jill

Anus McDickNuggets
·

Jack and Jill

went up the hill

so Jack could lick Jill’s candy

but Jack had a shock

with a mouth full of cock

cause Jill’s real name was Randy

With a tight cheeked fanny

and shlong expandy

Jack’s face turned uncanny

Off he ranny

to tell granny

his best friend was a tranny

Offensive

Balzac2900
·

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack can eat her candy. He got sick when he got a mouthful of dick and realized her name was Randy

Ball

Anonymous
·

Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!

Wife

Chris Rock
·

Me at the Oscars when i see Jada Pinkett Smith, me, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I Jada 2, can't wait to see it"

So will smith is laughing and then suddenly, Suddenly Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face

Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigcka Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers"