Sex jokes
If she's not ready for an X-rated movie, she's not ready for this X-rated booty.
What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.
What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:
Starters - role play and stripping.
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.
Dessert - Blowy.
I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".
If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".
If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".
Q. What's the Premier of Alberta's favorite sex toy? A. I don't know, but I wish it were me.
Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?
A. Crayons.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.
Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...
I didn’t expect her to come back so early.
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?
A: Cum on your cousin's face.
I have no problem with prostitution.
It's like an Air BnB for your dick.
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?
A. A backroom deal.
What’s the difference between anal and oral sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.