Sex jokes
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?
A. A backroom deal.
What’s the difference between anal and oral sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
I don’t like to play games, actually. There is one game: It’s Barbie. Of course, I’ll be Ken, and you’ll be the box cum in.
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?
A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.
Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?
Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!
My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
I got knob cheesed after your sexy mom was on top, dry humping me on the vanilla-coloured living room carpet.
Once you've had the mother,
Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.
Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.
Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.
I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.
Your mom gave me a three course meal last night:
Starters - Foreplay
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl
Dessert - Blowy
Won't forget the side drink of an individual on individual bukkake.
Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.
Your mom's ass is so petite and big, I'd pound that till the Earth shakes.