What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.
Sex is like math.
Subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
why dont vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they dont want to admit that meat makes them happy
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don't care if she has one.
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
Candy is dandy.
But liquor is quicker.
I got introduced to a dwarf at a nudist colony the other day.
When we shook, the pleasure was all mine.
What do you call a herd of cows pleasuring themselves? Beef strokin’ off!
I just thought of the best invention ever: a vape dildo.
like if u wana hve sex
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"
"Dad what is 69?" asks son Dad: Well son, it a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally. Son: So what shall I write? Odd or even.
If sex is a pain in the ass then your doing it wrong
What do orgasms and impulses have in common? I don’t care if they have either of them
What dose buzz lightyear and a oprhsms parents have in common.
They go to infinty and beyond
A man and a woman get married. The woman was Retired hooker. The man was a poet. The man said as they did 69, you taste better than my most delecious gormet meal. The woman said, well you aren’t too bad either. But the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop. They dot divorced that night.
Masochists and sadists are made for each other.
So a woman walks into a magician's toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, "what's this?"
The cashier explains that it's a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, "fuck me in the ass," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, "fuck me in the pussy," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, "faster," it'll go faster, "harder," it'll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.
After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she'd had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn't. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hospital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?", the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn't believe her, "magical dildo, my ass" he said, and the lady drove home.
