The 70+ Best Anal Sex Jokes

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.

"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."

The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.

"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.

"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"

"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

What is the difference between anal se* and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.

my girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex and I said what's that, she said I fuck her ass, I said oh my uncle calls that shhhhh

Broccoli is like anal sex.

If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

Why is Johnson's baby shampoo the best Lubricant for anal sex?

-No more tears.

Patient: “Doctor my bottom hurts” Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?” Patient: “Right around the entrance” Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance it will hurt”

What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out

Did you know that McDonalds made a Michael Jackson burger? It’s a 50 year old piece of meat in a 12 year old bun.

What’s the same with a toilet and anal sex. Your ass gets numb after a while

How can you get free butt plants just get your man to fill your butt with Natural juices

How is spinach like anal sex?

If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

A wise man once told me: 'If you poke the bear in prison The bear will happily return the favour, when its times to shower'

My Crush: I cut 4 inches of my hair yesterday Me: So? My Crush 4 Inches is alot! Me: Oh yeah?

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I only do anal, I thought you knew.

I was going to share my joke about anal, butt fuck it was inappropriate..

What's the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex? One will make your day and the other will make your hole weak

Man goes to a doctor says he's having problems shitting so the doctor gives him so enama and says he needs to do it a few times at home but does the first one for him so the guy bends over the table lubs him up and shoves it deep in him and he yells. so later the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enama so he bends over she lubs him up puts a hand on his shouler and she shoves it up there and he starts screaming and cussing and the wife asks did I hurt u? He said no I just realized when the doctor did it he had both hands on my shoulders