Anal Sex jokes

A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.

"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."

The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.

"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.

"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"

"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.

A wise man once told me: "If you poke the bear in prison, the bear will happily return the favor when it's time to shower."

My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."

What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger? It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.

Why is Johnson's baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?

- No more tears.

My crush: "I cut 4 inches off my hair yesterday." Me: "So?" My crush: "4 inches is a lot!" Me: "Oh yeah?"

A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.

So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."

I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.

Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”

Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”

Patient: “Right around the entrance.”

Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”

What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

Broccoli is like anal sex. If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I only do anal, I thought you knew.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.

What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.

There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.

What's the difference between anal and oral sex? An and Or!