Safety jokes
Toaster + Bath = The ultimate bath bomb!
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
Are you a toaster, because I want to have a bath with you.
The sun is out, and the pedo vans are out.
Parents, keep your kids away from ice cream vans. Once they hear the sound, you'll never see your kids again!
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.
What do you call people who jumped in the dam?
A dam fool.
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."
When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
What’s one good thing about a pedophile?
They drive slow in school zones.
What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?
When you drop them both, everyone screams.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving; you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
How do you get a depressed girl to suck your dick?
Pour bleach on it.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
If Joe Biden and Kamala Harris jump off a cliff, who survives?
Americans...
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
Why is a wet pavement like playing music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
I was going 80 in a school zone and the speed bump was screaming.