Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
Because he wasn’t wearing his seat belt.
Safety Jokes
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
Do not ever make fun of people who look like they have no necks. They are fully protected from vampires.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving more than once.
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
What do you get when you mix a white guy and a fire?
A firecracker.
What is yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
If there's ever a shooting at school, pull out an Uno reverse card.
😷 👕 👖 Stay safe in Quarantine.
What's something yellow and cannot swim?
A bus full of children.
So the fire alarm went off, but as soon as they walked out of the classroom, the only fire they saw was out of a gun.
How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?
Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.
Me sees crazy man hit a old poor person. Me dials 911.
Police: What is that location?
Me: I don't know where is dis location.
Police: Mission failed, we will try again later.
Me: WTH?
Police: Ends call.
Me: Calls hospital.
Hospital: What is that location?
Me: I don't know where is dis location.
Hospital: Mission failed, we will try again later.
Me: WTH IS HAPPENDS EVERY TIME NOW EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE.
Hospital: Hangs up.
Me: Calls fire dEpArTmEnT.
Fire: No fire.
Fire dEpArTmEnT: What is that location?
Me: Hangs up and give up and goes home.
A husband and wife are crossing the street. The husband is explaining to the wife why you should always look both ways before crossing the street.
Man: "So you see, Dolly? You should always look both ways before crossing the street."
The man turns and looks to his wife, but she is not there!
Man: "Dolly? Dolly!"
The man looks around and sees Dolly laying dead on the street.
Man: "Dolly!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun...
Why did the van cross the road?
To get to the school for the little kids.
You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.
President Joe Biden was jogging through some different jogging paths around this great county we live in and was jogging through Alabama and fell off into a swamp filled with killer alligators, and these 3 boys named Willie, Roman, and Little Johnny saw him fall in and jumped in and drug him to safety, and the president was like "Thank you, thank you, thank you SOOO much. I'm gonna give you boys a reward for saving my life," and asks them what their names were and what they wanted. The first boy said, "My name's Willy, and I want to go to Disneyland," and the president said, "No problem, and I'll take you personally." The 2nd boy said, "My name's Roman, and I want an autographed pair of Air Jordan Nikes," and the president said, "No troubles at all," and the 3rd boy says, "My name's Little Johnny, and I want a power wheelchair with an awesome stereo and killer wheels," and the president says, "You don't look handicapped, Little Johnny," and Little Johnny said, "I'm not, but as soon as I tell my parents who I saved, I will be"🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
How old are you...? I don’t give a shit, stfu and get in ma van.
“NO NO NO”
I’ll give you some candy.
“Oh ok🤩”
Is crummy bears alright??
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
