What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well beer nuts are 49 cents but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer you won’t understand it.)
I fear my last words will be ‘‘hold my beer and watch this.’’
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
A skeleton walks into a bar. Orders a beer and a mop.
A recent study has found that beer contains female hormones
A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn’t drive for shit
A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, ¨Sorry, we don’t serve food here."
A Roman walks into a bar
He holds up two fingers and says “give me five beers.”
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says “man, how’d you get such a short piano player.” The bartender says in response” there’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says “what just happened” the bartender replies “the genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12 inch pianist?”
A mushroom walked into a pub. He asked the bartender to give him a beer. The bartender said, "I can’t, you’ll get too rowdy." The mushroom then said, “Oh come on! When I drink, I’m a fun guy!”
Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.
Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled “vodka” and the lake changed into vodka.
Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled “beer” and the lake changed into beer.
American ran to dive,slipped,and said, “oh shit”.
A midget walks into a bar and asks for a beer, the bartender says no. The midget asks why, the bartender says “You’re a little drunk”
Why do they never serve beer at a math party? - Because you can’t drink and derive.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says "A beer please! and one for the road!"
Why doesn’t Jesus buy beer?
What do you call a magician that makes beer? Brew-dini
What is a trees favorite thing to drink. Root Beer
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar, the man orders a beer one for him and one for the giraffe. After they finish their drinks the giraffe falls over and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door. The bartender says "Stop! you can’t leave that thing lying on the floor" The man says "Mate, that’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe".
Superman was bored and wanted to go out, he called all his super friends but they were all busy. He even calls Louis but it’s her time of the month. He flies to the liquor store and buy some beer and gets drunk. As has flying he sees wonder woman naked on top of the roof, he starts thinking 'I will fly down…and have sex with her sooooo fast “BURP” that she WON’T know what happen. "HICKUP" He flies to her faster than a speed of light BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG and flies away with a smile he passes out and crashed into a wall. Wonder woman jumps up and screams 'WHAT WAS THAT… the invisible man appears holding his butt and he gets off on wonder woman and says ‘I dont know but my butt hurts real bad’.
Q: What do American beer and canoes have in common? A: Fu@king close to water!
A roman walks into a Bar and holds up 2 fingers and says "Five beers,please"