Safety jokes
Why are planes the most dangerous killers?
Because they killed 2,996 people in 10-25 minutes.
I don't trust stairs, they're always up to something.
Your mama is so fat, when she farted, the world had to wear gas masks.
How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?
Tell him you don’t believe in dog.
I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"
Stop sign: If you speed, I'll call your parents.
Orphans: Going 180.
Why are orphans afraid of your orphanage?
Because I burnt it down!
Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.
Why can't orphans go on vacation?
The last time they did, they fell in the toilet and had no one to help them out. Ugh!
A twin engine has two engines.
If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.
Why did the parachute break up with the skydiver?
Because it was tired of being taken for granted every time things fell apart.
Hey guys, I have a question.
Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Then what is Halloween?
What is red and puts out fire?
"Why don't skeletons go skydiving?"
"Because they don't have the guts... or the parachute!"
Why did the parachute refuse to open?
Because it had a "fatal attraction" to the ground.
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.
Why is the fat man roping himself to the side of a mountain?
So he doesn't roll back down!
Pedophiles are really stupid and need to leave this earth.
Why do midgets have to wear a green bright jacket when crossing the road?
Because they will get turned into a pancake even more.
It's not funny, I know.