Safety jokes
Why is the fat man roping himself to the side of a mountain?
So he doesn't roll back down!
Hey guys, I have a question.
Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Then what is Halloween?
What is red and puts out fire?
Your mama is so fat, when she farted, the world had to wear gas masks.
I don't trust stairs, they're always up to something.
Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!
Why are planes the most dangerous killers?
Because they killed 2,996 people in 10-25 minutes.
I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?
I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"
How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?
Tell him you don’t believe in dog.
I went out for a drive and attempted to drift on the road. It didn't end well for me, or for the speed bumps I hit.
Wait, there aren't any road bumps.
O h s h i t.
What does a school bus crash and a train crash have in common?
They always line up.
What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children.
What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?
Push 'em.
What is the biggest fear of firefighters?
Burnout at work.
Why can't orphans go on vacation?
The last time they did, they fell in the toilet and had no one to help them out. Ugh!
Stop sign: If you speed, I'll call your parents.
Orphans: Going 180.
Why are orphans afraid of your orphanage?
Because I burnt it down!
Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.
For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.