Safety jokes

What is the biggest fear of firefighters?

Burnout at work.

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?

Tell him you don’t believe in dog.

I went out for a drive and attempted to drift on the road. It didn't end well for me, or for the speed bumps I hit.

Wait, there aren't any road bumps.

O h s h i t.

Stop sign: If you speed, I'll call your parents.

Orphans: Going 180.

Why are orphans afraid of your orphanage?

Because I burnt it down!

Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.

A twin engine has two engines.

If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.

For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.

What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children.

What does a school bus crash and a train crash have in common?

They always line up.

I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?

What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?

Push 'em.

Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!

Why can't orphans go on vacation?

The last time they did, they fell in the toilet and had no one to help them out. Ugh!

Why are planes the most dangerous killers?

Because they killed 2,996 people in 10-25 minutes.

I don't trust stairs, they're always up to something.

Pedophiles are really stupid and need to leave this earth.

What's red, takes my belt, and what I got from a weird children's house?

An orphan.

Why do midgets have to wear a green bright jacket when crossing the road?

Because they will get turned into a pancake even more.

It's not funny, I know.