Safety jokes
Were you born on a highway? Because most accidents happen on the highway.
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?
They spray paint it like candy 🍬.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
Why did the kid go in the guy's van?
Answer: He thought he was being adopted.
Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!
What do you say before you jump off a building?
Parkour!
If a WOMAN gets RAPED, RUN INTO THE SECNE AND HELP HER.
Q: What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A: A bus full of children.
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
You pull the pin and throw it back!
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
Stop hating on pedos; at least they drive slow in a school zone, smh 🤣
Why did the elephant cross the road? It didn't see the cars.
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
Why did the old man fall down a well?
He couldn't see that well.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance on the cliff, so I pushed her over because I lost my balance!