Safety jokes
Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?
'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? "You're too young to smoke."
Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"
Mom: "He got inside a white van."
Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.
Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."
I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
What is the difference between a microwave and a basket?
The microwave oven does not explode within the set time.
Which room is the safest place in the house?
The living room.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a child?
You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.
Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!
Why are planes the most dangerous killers?
Because they killed 2,996 people in 10-25 minutes.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
I was going 80 in a school zone and the speed bump was screaming.
More cops died from COVID than anything else last year, hahahaha.
They should have shot COVID instead of Tyrone on the microphone, lmfao.
How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.
When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.
When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.
When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.