Safety jokes

Don’t you hate it when you are driving in a school zone and the speed bump starts screaming?

Do you think when the Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like, "Donald Duck"?

"kys" (keep yourself safe).

What's yellow and can't swim? A school bus full of orphans.

What do you call a person in a wheelchair in a burning building?

Hot wheels! 😎

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

Why was the American kid late to school?

Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.

There are women complaining about being r@ped.

JUST DON'T GO NEAR DARK ALLEYS WITH A SPORTS BRA ON. 😁

A kid and a man are walking into a forest at night.

Kid: "Mr., it's getting dark. I'm scared!"

Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and then you remember there are no speed bumps.

"Zre, um, be careful when using a gun, okay? And meh not fat, boy."

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?

A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.

Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!

More cops died from COVID than anything else last year, hahahaha.

They should have shot COVID instead of Tyrone on the microphone, lmfao.

Why are school shootings branded “very American”?

1. They usually happen in the USA.

2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.

How do you clean ash off a stove with chemicals?

What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?

My last if she knows what's good for her.

I have fun going on them roller coasters that go really high up and sitting by random people, and once we get to the high point, I look at the stranger and go "wham" and unplug their seat belt.

A 14 year old girl was walking back home late at night, then a man was following her. An hour later, she got back home not only had she lost the stranger, but also her virginity.