What do you call a wet condom?
A wet condom.
My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.
Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.
When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.
When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.
When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.
When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.
What is big, yellow, and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Why did the blind man fall down a well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
If a WOMAN gets RAPED, RUN INTO THE SECNE AND HELP HER.
Why did the parachute refuse to open?
Because it had a "fatal attraction" to the ground.
Why did the parachute break up with the skydiver?
Because it was tired of being taken for granted every time things fell apart.
Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!
Why are planes the most dangerous killers?
Because they killed 2,996 people in 10-25 minutes.
What is red and puts out fire?
Your mama is so fat, when she farted, the world had to wear gas masks.
Hey guys, I have a question.
Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Then what is Halloween?
Stop sign: If you speed, I'll call your parents.
Orphans: Going 180.
Why are orphans afraid of your orphanage?
Because I burnt it down!
Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.
A twin engine has two engines.
If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.
For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.
Why can't orphans go on vacation?
The last time they did, they fell in the toilet and had no one to help them out. Ugh!
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
