There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
Halloween Jokes
What do incest families do on Halloween?
Pumpkin.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
Halloween! The day nobody questions the bodies dangling in your tree!
This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.
What is a paedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
Free delivery XD
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?
It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...
What does an emo do on Halloween? They hang like a decoration.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
Do you ever wonder why Michael from Halloween likes his mask so much? It's because he ad-Myers it.
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!
What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.
How do you know a vampire's sick?
If he's coffin (coughing?)
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he was part of the Lazy Bones team!
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
