Halloween

Halloween Jokes

Costume party

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."

Guy

This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."

Body

When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.

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  • Day

    Halloween! The day nobody questions the bodies dangling in your tree!

    Crayon

    This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.

    Vampire

    Me: *stabs vampire*

    Wife: omg

    Me: *beats vampire to death*

    Wife: OMG

    Me: What?

    Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!

    Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?

    Kid

    Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?

    It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...

    Emo

    What does an emo do on Halloween? They hang like a decoration.

    Yo mama

    Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.

    Mask

    Do you ever wonder why Michael from Halloween likes his mask so much? It's because he ad-Myers it.

    Satan

    It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!

    Skeleton

    Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

    Because he was part of the Lazy Bones team!

    Woman

    Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

    She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."

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