Halloween jokes
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.
Halloween! The day nobody questions the bodies dangling in your tree!
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
What does an emo do on Halloween? They hang like a decoration.
How do you know a vampire's sick?
If he's coffin (coughing?)
What do incest families do on Halloween?
Pumpkin.
This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he was part of the Lazy Bones team!
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
Do you ever wonder why Michael from Halloween likes his mask so much? It's because he ad-Myers it.
What do you read on Halloween?
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.