Safety jokes
How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?
They spray paint it like candy 🍬.
People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.
I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)
Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be?
In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. 😢
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
Random guy: Hi, how old are you?
Me: 15
The guy: You're so young, age is just a number.
Me: Do you know what else is a number?
The guy: What?
Me: 911
Memes
What do you call a kid that's in the fire? Hot Wheels.
What's yellow and can't swim but screams when it goes under?
A school bus full of kids.
Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!
What time is it when you can drive home from phone?
When the autistic kid brings a gun to school and thinks it’s a dart gun.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
How do you get a depressed girl to suck your dick?
Pour bleach on it.
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? "You're too young to smoke."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
It is not funny about kidnapping.
Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"
Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"
Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"
I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
Roses are red.
I have free candy. Get in my van. I have free candy!
What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"