What time is it when you can drive home from phone?
Safety Jokes
When the autistic kid brings a gun to school and thinks it’s a dart gun.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
How do you get a depressed girl to suck your dick?
Pour bleach on it.
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? "You're too young to smoke."
How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?
They spray paint it like candy 🍬.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
It is not funny about kidnapping.
Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"
Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"
Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"
I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
Roses are red.
I have free candy. Get in my van. I have free candy!
What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"
I'm in school shooting. #USA
Why did the wall fall over?
A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
Roses are red,
my life is a disaster,
the children are fast,
but the combine is F A S T E R!
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
What do pedophiles do when they wake up?
Turn on the child safety lock on the car.
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
