Safety jokes
There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the car.
People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.
I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be?
In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. 😢
What time is it when you can drive home from phone?
Random guy: Hi, how old are you?
Me: 15
The guy: You're so young, age is just a number.
Me: Do you know what else is a number?
The guy: What?
Me: 911
What do you call a kid that's in the fire? Hot Wheels.
What's yellow and can't swim but screams when it goes under?
A school bus full of kids.
Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
When the autistic kid brings a gun to school and thinks it’s a dart gun.
What's the difference between a white woman and a tornado siren?
The tornado siren doesn't get raped.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
How do you get a depressed girl to suck your dick?
Pour bleach on it.
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? "You're too young to smoke."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!