Safety jokes
How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.
Tip for Kindness for the day.
Tip one. Always speak up for yourself.
Yes, letting someone else speak up for you is nice but also speak up for yourself, be brave if a mean bully comes along. Speak up for yourself and others if they need it. Best, Gwen
What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?
Run over.
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
I was driving through a neighborhood when I saw a sign that said "Autistic Child Zone." Then I thought to myself, "Oh shit, that wasn't a dog!"
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.
Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
What's yellow and can't float?
A school bus full of children.
A young teen was walking home from school and having a nice day.
She gets home, eats, showers, and heads to her room. The young teen hears her mother say something. Not sure what she said, the girl replies with "ok."
The young teen was gonna head to bed, wondering when her mom was gonna come in and say goodnight. She lays in bed, but then she hears her mom's voice say, "Hunny, I'm home." She doesn't bother to say ok.
Later, when she decides to sleep, she gets a message from her mom saying to unlock the door, that she lost her keys. :)
Q: Why did Sally survive the car accident?
A: She hit an ambulance.
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?