Safety jokes
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
1+1=3
If you don't use a condom.
My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.
How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
In case there's a school shooting, the teachers can help out and shoot the kids.
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?
Run over.
If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.
Tip for Kindness for the day.
Tip one. Always speak up for yourself.
Yes, letting someone else speak up for you is nice but also speak up for yourself, be brave if a mean bully comes along. Speak up for yourself and others if they need it. Best, Gwen
If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.
Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
I was driving through a neighborhood when I saw a sign that said "Autistic Child Zone." Then I thought to myself, "Oh shit, that wasn't a dog!"
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.
Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.