Safety jokes

What's yellow but can't swim?

A bus full of children.

You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.

"If all of these structures break we will all die."

And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"

And he said, "It would be breaking news."

I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.

Q: What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A: A bus full of children.

Q. What hits the ground first when falling out of a tree, a leaf or an emo kid? A. A leaf. There is usually a rope to stop the emo kid.

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

You pull the pin and throw it back!

Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.

What’s worse than running with scissors?

Scissoring with the runs!

How many times does 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out!

What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A bus full of children.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She forgot to put her seatbelt on.

My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.

1+1=3

If you don't use a condom.

What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?

I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.

How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.

What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."

The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.

Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.