Safety jokes
Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.
This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉
Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in the pond because the sign said, "No Swimming!"
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.
Q: What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A: A bus full of children.
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
What's yellow but can't swim?
A bus full of children.
You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.
I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."
Q. What hits the ground first when falling out of a tree, a leaf or an emo kid? A. A leaf. There is usually a rope to stop the emo kid.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.
1+1=3
If you don't use a condom.
My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.