Safety jokes
Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
Why did the man go across the train tracks to get to the other side?
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.
I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."
Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in the pond because the sign said, "No Swimming!"
Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.
This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
What's yellow but can't swim?
A bus full of children.
You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.
Q: What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A: A bus full of children.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.
My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.