Safety jokes
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.
This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉
Why did the man go across the train tracks to get to the other side?
Q. What hits the ground first when falling out of a tree, a leaf or an emo kid? A. A leaf. There is usually a rope to stop the emo kid.
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.
You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.
Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in the pond because the sign said, "No Swimming!"
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
What's yellow but can't swim?
A bus full of children.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
You pull the pin and throw it back!
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.