Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
Safety Jokes
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
Paul Walker made a new wrap cover, it's called "Flying Through the Windshield," and the song's name is "Crossing the Street."
1+1=3
If you don't use a condom.
My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.
During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.
Tip for Kindness for the day.
Tip one. Always speak up for yourself.
Yes, letting someone else speak up for you is nice but also speak up for yourself, be brave if a mean bully comes along. Speak up for yourself and others if they need it. Best, Gwen
What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?
Run over.
