Safety jokes
Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.
This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉
Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in the pond because the sign said, "No Swimming!"
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.
What's yellow but can't swim?
A bus full of children.
You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.
Memes
Q: What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A: A bus full of children.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
You pull the pin and throw it back!
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.
My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.
1+1=3
If you don't use a condom.
During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.