Safety jokes
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Q. What hits the ground first when falling out of a tree, a leaf or an emo kid? A. A leaf. There is usually a rope to stop the emo kid.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."
I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.
Q: What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A: A bus full of children.
You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
You pull the pin and throw it back!
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.
1+1=3
If you don't use a condom.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.