Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?
Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That's my stepladder,” he said. "I never knew my real ladder.”
Today I’m attaching a light to the ceiling, but I’m afraid I’ll probably screw it up.
What’s worse than running with scissors? Scissoring With the runs
Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.
I made sure it didn't outsmart me.
What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?
You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.
I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.
Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.
Abandon ship!
Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
Why are Christmas trees banned at the mental hospital?
They would hang themselves like ornaments.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair
RCXD
John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan? Nothing no one cares how much Lead is in the kids
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
