Risk jokes

A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.

The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."

"Hold my beer, watch this."

I am the danger.

I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.

What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?

You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.

I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.

Sometimes, you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.

Balls deep.

I refuse to go bungee jumping. I was brought into this world from broken plastic, and I REFUSE to die the same way.

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!

Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!

Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)

Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.

When was the only time you could see people base jump without a parachute?

2001/9/11.

What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?

One baby in 10 trucks.

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.

Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.

He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.

Why do risky people have cats?

So they have 10 lives with them.

My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.

I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.

Why are cops worried about drunk drivers and not elderly drivers?

Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.