Risk jokes

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.

Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?

You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.

Weirdo: I'm too high to die!

Me: You'll just fall harder.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

"Most Deadly Sport"

Playing chicken with a train!

Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?

Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.

True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.

(Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)

My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.

Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!

What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.

Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*

Me: Yea-

My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*

Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-

If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?

Asking for a friend.

Seat belts are like the condom for cars.

My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.

I always hit on 16, then get busted.

A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.

The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."

Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.

The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."

At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"

Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.

The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."

One day I threw a boomerang...

Now I live in constant fear.