Risk jokes

If you give a prostitute money, you will go to jail, but if you give a prostitute a Klondike bar, you will not go to jail. I would rather go to the casino and get more money for my buck.

What is the most expensive type of sex you will ever enjoy in your life? The type which will shorten your life by 5 to 10 years.

Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.

When you’re in India and you start hearing a tick, tick, tick, tick, you run!

I have fun going on them roller coasters that go really high up and sitting by random people, and once we get to the high point, I look at the stranger and go "wham" and unplug their seat belt.

The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.

A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.

The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."

Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.

The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."

At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"

Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.

The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."

Do I like playing Russian Roulette? Gun to the head, I'd have to say no.

Why did the parachute refuse to open?

Because it had a "fatal attraction" to the ground.

"Why don't skeletons go skydiving?"

"Because they don't have the guts... or the parachute!"

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving more than once.

Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.