Insurance

Insurance Jokes

Suicide

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

  • 1
  • Car crash

    A boy and his mother survived a car crash.

    The boy asks his mother, "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."

  • 0
  • Self Harm

    I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. šŸ˜

    Memes

    Truck

    Why did Joey drop his ice cream?

    He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)

  • 0
  • Grim Reaper

    What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"

    Orphan

    Why do orphans cry at insurance places?

    They got offered the family plan.

    Cancer

    Doctor: I'm sorry, but your surgery will cost a lot of money.

    Buuuuut what's this behind your ear?

    Oh, it's still cancer.

    Accident

    A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?

    The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?

    Dream

    So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

    20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

    Accident

    I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

    (I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

    Yo mama

    Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.

    Band

    Only one band is capable of affording the insurance on supercars. UB40!