Insurance jokes
A woman exclaims that she was robbed. She was reading in the dark, candles were next to her. She says the thief opens her cabin of jewelry and leaves and enters from the window. He left the window open so she feels a drift of wind coming towards her. She turns the lights on and sees what happened.
The candle wax was going down straight. A policeman closes the window and cabin then tells her she's lying just for the cash reward. Why?
Because if the drift of wind came in, the candle wax would be dripping to the side, not straight!
Was he under insurance claim?
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
Him: Hey girl, do you have pet insurance?
Her: Yes, why do you ask?
Him: Cuz I'm going to bang that pussy up!
Why do orphans cry at insurance places?
They got offered the family plan.
their is a problem
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
Doctor: I'm sorry, but your surgery will cost a lot of money.
Buuuuut what's this behind your ear?
Oh, it's still cancer.
Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.
A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?
The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
A boy and his mother survived a car crash.
The boy asks his mother, "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
Why did Joey drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)
Only one band is capable of affording the insurance on supercars. UB40!
Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...
Yo mama so fat even Nationwide can't be on her side.
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
"MERCURY INSURANCE, come to our office in Mercury."