Insurance jokes
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
A boy and his mother survived a car crash.
The boy asks his mother, "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...
I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏
Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?
They've been rear-ended too many times.
Why did Joey drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
Why do orphans cry at insurance places?
They got offered the family plan.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
Doctor: I'm sorry, but your surgery will cost a lot of money.
Buuuuut what's this behind your ear?
Oh, it's still cancer.
A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?
The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.
So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.
20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.
What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?
Geico saves you more.
Him: Hey girl, do you have pet insurance?
Her: Yes, why do you ask?
Him: Cuz I'm going to bang that pussy up!
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
Yo mama so fat even Nationwide can't be on her side.