Result jokes
A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.
One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.
They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.
A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."
In Ukraine, there was a massive wake-up call by Russia. But for some, the results were the opposite.
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
care to explain bitch? it seems thats what youre good at
I don't know what makes BlessedBrian so STUPID, but it REALLY works!
Where's the best place to hide a body? In the second page of Google search results.
I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!
What a negative effect!
My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater.
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
What was the score of the basketball game in Africa?
Eight-nothing.
Why did potassium draw a tear that would result in him crying?
Because all of his friends argon.
An orphan walks into a science lab. The lead scientist greets him and takes him to a DNA testing station. After some procedures, the results come back:
"UNKNOWN"
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"
"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
What do / and \ have in common?
They have different results.
Chuck Norris and Time had a race.
Result: Time is still running...
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”