Commitment Jokes

in Depression

Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea

Chris A.

I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again I almost killed myself

Shannon Hamilton
in Depression

A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”

in Alabama

What do you say after committing incest?

No Chromo!

in Priest

A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him “What are you doing?!” Exclaims the priest

“There is nothing on this Earth for me.” The Muslim says “I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!”

The priest shakes his head

“Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!” He says

“Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school.”

in Sadness

if you ask an artist how to commit suicide, they will say a very creative way

in Depression

Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : raises hand Teacher : … The half of the class: Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it

in Depression

Me telling my parents im depressed: my parents, " no, ur just a little stressed and want attention, am i right?" My depression worsoning, me: " ya ur totally right mom…" Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide…


Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins… I just go to the local primary school


If a person shoot’s a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful or is it murder?

420 Go Daddy 69
in Orphan

Why did the orphan commit mass murder?

To be on top of the wanted list


What does a relationship and suicide have in common?

I always fail on committing

in Puns

Why did the chicken commit suicide?

To get to the other side.


Person 1: you are the dumbest person in the class. Person 2: well ur the second. Person 2: maybe but at least im not the dummest. Person 2: i know how to fix that! … Next day person commits sucide…

in Depression

Are you suicide? Cause I’m trynna commit to you


Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?

Museum girl: Committing suicide.

Allan: What about Friday night?

La oempf

What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?

A cliffhanger.


What the worst thing about committing suicide, You can only do it once

What’s the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself, It wasn’t Sooner

The Riddler

Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I’m a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?

#NPC #WorthlessLiberals
in Politics

“When Republicans do Politics, it’s a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it’s Politics.” —Tyler Nixon