Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea
I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again I almost killed myself
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”
What do you say after committing incest?
A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him “What are you doing?!” Exclaims the priest
“There is nothing on this Earth for me.” The Muslim says “I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!”
The priest shakes his head
“Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!” He says
“Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school.”
if you ask an artist how to commit suicide, they will say a very creative way
Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : raises hand Teacher : … The half of the class: Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it
Me telling my parents im depressed: my parents, " no, ur just a little stressed and want attention, am i right?" My depression worsoning, me: " ya ur totally right mom…" Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide…
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins… I just go to the local primary school
If a person shoot’s a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful or is it murder?
Why did the orphan commit mass murder?
To be on top of the wanted list
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing
Why did the chicken commit suicide?
To get to the other side.
Person 1: you are the dumbest person in the class. Person 2: well ur the second. Person 2: maybe but at least im not the dummest. Person 2: i know how to fix that! … Next day person commits sucide…
Are you suicide? Cause I’m trynna commit to you
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?
What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?
What the worst thing about committing suicide, You can only do it once
What’s the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself, It wasn’t Sooner
Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I’m a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?
“When Republicans do Politics, it’s a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it’s Politics.” —Tyler Nixon