Investment jokes

Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

I now have $999,999.75.

A man opened a snail farm.

He said that it is a slow-moving business.

Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!

Why do laws forbid hoes from owning stocks in condom makers?

Answer: Insider trading.

"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."

-Al Nassr owner

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.

Who wants to buy my new NFT?

The Titanic movie cost $200 million dollars to make, meanwhile the Titanic ship cost $400 million to construct.

Titanic was made by Paramount and 20th Century Fox. CHEAPSKATES!

This place is gonna boom in a few days, just like the towers.

They don’t have to invest a lot into the Stephen Hawking wax statue, though.

A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.

How to get free robux: buy robux to make a game to get more robux.

Ever heard of the currency TNT?

All Arab economies are booming with so much TNT!

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

People are pushing for a new black Lady Liberty coin. I can't wait to use black people as currency again.

An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, "You look like a million pounds!" The wife divorced him.