Risk jokes
Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways, wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes.
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
What are a group of depressed people called?
A suicide squad.
Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.
Memes
My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.
Everyone else in the minefield...
You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
If at first you don't succeed,
Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Are you a toaster?
'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
"Most Deadly Sport"
Playing chicken with a train!
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.
We had sex afterwards even though she lost.
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!