What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
So I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company. Everyone is mad but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.
Bosses are like seagulls. They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...
But now I don't know what to do with the letters.
The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
Everybody is wondering what position Kenny will give his brother in their new company. Probably top. Kenny likes to be the bottom in every sexual encounter.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man." I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
One apple a day keeps the doctor away, not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
During a phone call:
"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"
"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."
Alex: Dad can we get me a little brother from the orphanage? dad: Sure Alex! dad: Were here! orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now! Alex: Dad what is she talking about?!
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why? Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
I got a job at a library once, i got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.
We stop by the reception desk, but the receptionist informed us “I am wan kin the manager.” So we just left in disgust!
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What's the good news? "We managed to save his arm." "What's the bad news?" "We couldn't save the rest of him."
When your grandma says your she's rusty but still manages to teach you
in my locality there was an orphanage but everybody in the locality was really sexist too so they had to change the orphanage into a brothel cuz everybody took the boys away and nobody was taking the girls and the manager didnt want to waste any 14 year old pussy . did he?
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?" The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied!
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
