What’s a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”
“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What’s the good news? “We managed to save his arm.” “What’s the bad news?” “We couldn’t save the rest of him.”
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
When your grandma says your she’s rusty but still manages to teach you
What did a jockey’s manager say to him before the race? Use the horse!
There was a boy in the gym who was in his late teens. He was sitting at the dumbells tables but he wasn’t lifting. He instead, sat up and was ripping something up. The manager then walked over to him, and asked “You’re hogging the dumbells, dude! What are you even doing?” The boy hesitated, then said “Getting ripped, wanna join me?” as he held up stacks of blank paper. The man silently sat on the table with him and grabbed some papers. “Why not?” he finally said.
What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper? … We’re wiped out!
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross. On the first day, he starts to moan, “Peter, Peter”.
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, “Peter, Peter”.
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, “Peter, Peter”.
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for, must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus, and says “Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important”?
Jesus- “Peter, I can see your house from here”.
One apple a day keeps the doctor away, not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
I am a George Formby fan,and I love football…my favourite manager was Arsen Wenger…my favourite referee was Collina…my favourite player was Dean Windas…so my favourite George Formby song was Wenger,Collina,Windas
What was the incontinent farmer’s greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn’t control his peas!!!
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied!
So 3 guys are walking down the street together and decide to go rob a bank. The first one goes for the richest man in the city’s vault but can’t open it easily, and is caught and sent to death in jail for robbing the richest man. The second one goes for his uncles vault because screw that son of a bh he’s rich why does he need all the money. But his uncle was unfortunately at the vault that day and snapped his nephews neck. The third one went for his ex’s vault and thought “well that bh can suck my dk she’s so poor anyway who would care if I take all her money so she dies of hunger and dehydration and homelessness” so he managed to get into her vault easily because it wasn’t heavily locked and took all her money. The next day the third guys ex showed up to his house and said “imma fg murder you” so she shot him dead and got her money from his house. In hell the three guys see each other and explain what happened. The third guy did and then asked “you know I don’t get it. If the richest guys are heavily guarded but already have so much money in their house why does it need to be heavily guarded? I don’t understand why the poorer aren’t heavily guarded when they are so poor they need the money.” And the first guy said “bh I don’t know maybe the bank tellers think poor people should suck it and just die already”
your walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18 you call the manager to have them removed but no one came down. later that night you see the 2 18 year olds 1 was a girl and the other was a boy so you call the manager down no one came again. you confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. you are nocked out on the floor. when you wake up there is a hard feeling in your a** you turn ur head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap on in ur a** going fool on hard.
Once, a mother worked in an orphanage as a cooker. She had a son, and a daughter. Twins. When she was going to her work, she decided to take the twins with her. They we’re happy, they got ready and played with other children while their mother was cooking for other kids. Then, a poor family entered the orphanage. They said they wanted to adopt twins. As soon as they saw the children playing, they notice the womans kids. They said they wanted to adopt them. The manager said they weren’t orphans, but before he said it, a teacher accidentally gave them to the poor family under the names of Layla and Logan. The kids we’re Kyle and Kayla. They went away with their new children, but the kids cried, they said they weren’t orphans and that their mother was in the orphanage, cooking. The poor family didn’t believe, they thought it was the children’s reaction of getting adopted. The woman went outside of the kitchen, she didn’t see her children. She asked the teacher… And when she found out, she screamed and ran outside. She was running at the poor family, when they thought she was a psychopath and wanted to kill them. When Kyle and Kayla looked back, they saw their mother. They swinged their hands so the poor family could let them away. They ran to their mother and hugged her. The poor family got shocked and called the cops. But the mother, she showed the documents and her parent rights. This all explains the worst joke, Yo Momma Lost Ya.
A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.
I (J0K35) worked there and this happened…
Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?!
Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza
Manager: THATS IT! IM KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE
Me: You can’t kick me out
Manager: Why not? Huh?
Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don’t have any.