Equipment jokes
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it realized it had a better chance of survival without them.
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
What did the rapper say to the microphone?
"You're my closet confidant!"
Yo mama so fat, when she falls, they have to call 999 and a crane to pick her up.
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
I would tell a clock joke, but I don't have time.
Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?
In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he heard the "mic drop" was too high!
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
An astronaut has had a mid-life crisis. He decides to leave everything behind and become a country farmer.
He buys some land and equips himself with everything he needs. The following Monday, he's ready to go with his hoe in hand and is about to walk out the gate, but he can't get through.
Why, you might ask? He's got no arms.
What did the mic say to the rapper?
"Don’t DROP me, bro!"
Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.
I like dicks... sporting goods.
Yo mama's so fat, a man has to bring climbing equipment to kiss her on the cheek.
Why did the DJ go to therapy?
Because he had too many issues with his TURNTABLE.
Ball stretcher.
Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?
Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.
What has 4 legs and two gloves?
All five people on my baseball team. ⚾️
The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.