Privacy jokes

My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.

I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.

Why did ranch tell fridge to close the door?

He was dressing.

What is the difference between a man peering through the keyhole and a woman in the bath?

One is rude and nosy; the other is nude and Rosy.

My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.

What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?

Lesbionage.

The couple next door made a porn film.

They don’t know it yet.

Where is this pic of me in my bra?

How to respond if someone starts looking at the photos on your phone.

Step 1: Jab your thumbs into their eye sockets.

What do asses and secrets have in common?

Both are better when not leaked!

I just wanted to say whoever is a faker pretending to be me, that you are literally ruining my life right now. And I can literally not take this right now in life and that I just want peace so please, please stop.

There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."

Everyone put your age here.

What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?

They both see things they shouldn't.

Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.

*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...

What does a glory hole and a confessional booth have in common?

A blowjob is anonymous.

My parents found my YT channel. I hate myself now, and I'm emotional.

SELF HARM

What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?

Anonymouse.

What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.