Privacy jokes

Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.

What do you call a private nun?

Nun-o-yo-business.

How to respond if someone starts looking at the photos on your phone.

Step 1: Jab your thumbs into their eye sockets.

What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?

Lesbionage.

The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.

Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."

Father: "Sorry."

What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we look through.

What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.

What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?

Anonymouse.

My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!

I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!

My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.

Hi, I am just wondering who went into my account, 'cause I've changed my password, by the way.

For all the Harry Potter fans:

A VPN is occlumency for smart devices, and our ISP is a legilimens.

You know what I hate about rape?

Keeping it a secret.

The couple next door made a porn film.

They don’t know it yet.

How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?

Tell him that it is a confessional booth.

Everyone put your age here.