I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a roman catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar? Tell him that it is a confessional booth
What do asses and secrets have in common?
Both are better when not LEAKED
When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her
Women: “Men used to go to war now they go to clubs” Men: “Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked now it’s $3.99”
My local hacker contacted me and told me that he hacked my computer. I responded, “Show me proof.” He provided the username and password for my email account, bank account, video game accounts, and social media accounts. To be honest, that is the fastest “Forgot Password” procedure I’ve ever done.
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you? Your virginity
Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment she starts to roll over, and in the process she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her. Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
There was a orphan once and someone knocks on his door and said "hello son come and hug me" but the orphan says "excuse me who are you?" and the guy says "you dont remember me im your dad" and then the orphan says "fine then if your really my dad, come inside and let me asked you some questions" and the man says "ok then but i am really your dad" then the orphan asked some questions to the man and the man gets some of them right so the orphan believes that the man is his dad and then the orphan says "you really are my dad?" and then he shows his dad his house and the orphan has a room mate and the dad and the orpahn finally get to then bedroom and then the dad knocks out the orphan and then the dad starts to have something with the orphan / son and the room mate hears weird noises in the orphans / sons room and he walks in and see them having seggs and the room mate records it but then kicks out the dad out f the house and then the room mate shares the video to the orphans school chat and then the next day the dad gets arrested because he was actually a gay nonce and everybody at the orphans school call him gay but he really isnt but since he was mad and disgusted he pulled a AK47 out of his bag and kills everybody in the school and was never seen again.
Btw this is a joke so dont take it seriously.
What is the biggest lie ever? I have read and agreed to the terms and conditions.
A: Why are you so sad? B: I was watching porn and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movi
The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.
I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂
I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen" So, I did what I had to do, and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!
One day the mailman came to drop the mail off then he ask if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah the thing is my mom was coming out the shower naked and when she open the door it was me and the mailman. Now when the mailman sees me he says to me we got something in common we both saw your mom naked.
