What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower? You got off clean
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment she starts to roll over, and in the process she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her. Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
One day I was on my phone then I got a text message from my Girl Friend, "Hey Sexy boy wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean..." then I just stopped and froze I read the message I said, "Yeah sure..." she replied really fast, "Theres going to be a few people there ok." but i didn't read the next message... she said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." but i didn't read it I walked into her house but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise and it sounded like HER!! so I hide behind the couch and I looked through the open door and saw somthing I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!
I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen" So, I did what I had to do, and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!
I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriends dick, but It's a private joke.
When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her
John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety
My local hacker contacted me and told me that he hacked my computer. I responded, “Show me proof.” He provided the username and password for my email account, bank account, video game accounts, and social media accounts. To be honest, that is the fastest “Forgot Password” procedure I’ve ever done.
me:*gives her 5 dollars* climb that flag pole cute female:*takes the money and goes up the flag pole* is this good me:hell yeah thats a nice veiw *next day* heres 10 dollars if u do it again *she goes up there* me:hows the veiw *she goes home and her mom sees the money* her mom:where u getting this money her daughter:i climbed a flagpole her mom:you know he just want u to to see ur panties right *she goes back and does it again but doesnt wear panties* me:holy shit ;-; her mom:did u do it again her daughter:dont worry mom he didnt get to see my panties her mom:...
What does a dead baby look like? I don't know, I close my eyes when I masterbate
Stephen Hawking isn’t dead, he’s just using VPN.
So my kid every time I walk in the door he shuts his laptop so i check his history It was good but my wife checked mine and she didn't say the same the words I head was get out.
Ugh don’t you just hate it when your having sex and your parents walk in he room and say “ No more dead babies for your mister we are running low!”
I heard my neighbours having sex and it was annoying me, so I called my gf to ask if she wanted to go out but when I called her I heard my neighbours phone ringing
What similarities do peeping toms and spies share? they both see things they shouldn't.
What do asses and secrets have in common?
Both are better when not LEAKED
Me:Spell icup My Friend:i see you pee Me: BOII YOU BETTER GIVE MEH SOME PRIVACY IN MY BATH ROOM!!!! My Friend:Oh hehe O-O