Priest jokes
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
Why does a penis taste like octopus 🐙?
Stupid question 😒 🙄 even the catholic church ⛪ 🙏 knows that one.
Why do Roman Catholics have so many kids?
So there’s more for the priest.
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?
Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5
I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.
Why are Demons dying from Priestwater? The soul from a Priest is completely different.
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
Roses are red, violets are blue. Don't touch the beds, they are sticky with white goo.
What do gay guys and priests have in common?
They are both gay in their own ways.
There are Three Sons: Journey, Korean, and Little Joe. They were trapped on a floating island, and a priest gave them each one wish.
The first son wished to go back to the ground. The Second Son wished to go back to the ground. The third son was lonely and wished for his two brothers to come back to the floating island.
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.
How come I have a father but not a dad?
He was a priest.