Priest jokes
How come I have a father but not a dad?
He was a priest.
You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
What's a priest's favorite toy?
A mute little boy.
What did the 12-year-old boy say to the priest?
Nothing, because his mouth was full.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
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What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?
Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5
If a priest listens to sad music in his church, he really enjoys being deep in minor.
One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?
A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
What's the difference between a priest and customer service?
At least you can call customer service and tell them how your experience was.
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?
Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.