Priest

Priest jokes

Suicide

    • A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.

    "What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.

    "There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

    The priest shakes his head.

    "Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.

    "Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."

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    • Uncle

    • My uncle was a priest.

    He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.

  • 3
    • Priest memes

    Nun

    • A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”

    St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

    St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

    Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”

  • 4

    • Hitler

    • Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

    Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

  • 3

    • House Party

    • House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.

  • 1

    • Nun

    • One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.

    In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"

    The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."

    In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"

    The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."

    In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"

    The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."

    Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"

  • 1

    • Muslim

    • When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.

    It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.

  • 2

    • Target

    • What’s the difference between a priest and target?

    Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.

  • 3

    • Glory Hole

    • How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.

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