Priest Jokes

Why is a priest different from acne? Acne waits to come on to your face

So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.

What’s the difference between a priest and target?

Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.

What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and Mcdonalds ? They both like sticking there meat in 6 year old buns.

Why is that kid walking like that?, Oh, he's an alter boy

What is different about priests and acne.

Acne waits until your 13 to cum on your face

What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest? Father Les.

priest

*A priest walks into a wine store*

"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."

A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bar tender says "Hey Jim!"

What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?

They are all locked in the Priest's basement.

What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common - They both like fairies sitting on them.

Have you heard of the new sequel to "the exorcist"?

A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son

Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.

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A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks. “No thanks,” the man replies. “I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues. “OK. How much?” the man replies, after considering the position he was in. “Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies. “TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats. “That’s awful expensive”, but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy. “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off. “Yes it is,” replies the man. “Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks. “OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. “Fifty dollars,” the boy replies, and the transaction is completed. The next weekend, the little boy’s father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.” “I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy. “How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. “Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness,"the father explains as he hauls the child away. At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Don’t you start that crap in here,” the priest says

What do a girl and a bar have in common?

A- Liquor in the front poker in the back!!

A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight" He was priest.

I hated church growing up as a child, it was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!

why are priests called father? because it's too sus to call them daddy!