Priest Jokes

A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.

A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"

What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?

"Let us prey together."

Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.

Why is that kid walking like that? Oh, he's an alter boy.

The image shows two pictures side by side. The left picture shows a smiling priest in a black robe holding a book. The right picture is of Woody, a toy character from the movie "Toy Story" with his distinctive cowboy hat. Above the pictures, text reads, "WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PRIEST AND WOODY?" Below the pictures, the text continues with "WOODY GOES LIMP WHEN A CHILD ENTERS THE ROOM!"

I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.

Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.

Priest

Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"

She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"

"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."

Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."

What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.

What do a girl and a bar have in common?

A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!

How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.

What does a priest and a clown have in common?

They both make children cry.

What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.

What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?

Father Les.

Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?

A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.

Why was baptism invented?

How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?

Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."

I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!