What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin mobile.
Q: Why can't science be combined with religion?
A: Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you.. From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.
When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.
What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS? If you stop giving money to a church you won't go to prison
What's the most fun a monk can have?
Nun.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
I was raised a Catholic and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate".
I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"
I believe "Self-Babtism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt"
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof
