Nun

Anonymous

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

1

Hell

Cleverbot

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah.”

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to Hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”

7

Roof

Anonymous

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

0

Puns

Anonymous

How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.

4

Nun

Anonymous

What’s the most fun a monk can have?

Nun.

0

Jesus

Anonymous

When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that that’s not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

4

Jesus

Anonymous

What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

5

Jesus

Anonymous

What is the difference between a Catholic priest and Acne? – Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

Offensive

JB

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

1

OH

Vicky manson

"Amen “Amen” “Amen”

Hail satan.

Oh sorry I forgot which religion I was pretending to respect.

Moon

Anonymous

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

Difference

Anonymous

What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? – American teenage girls get stoned before they have sex.

Nun

Anonymous

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin’ Catholic.

1

Puns

Anonymous

Where did Noah keep his bees? – In the ark hives.

0

Priest

Anonymous

How do you get a nun pregnant? – Dress her up as an alter boy.

4

Sister

Scott

Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!) As they’re approaching the Pearly Gates to be interview by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. He says to the first nun : “Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man”? Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says : Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don’t let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven". St. Peter says : “Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven”. Sister Carmel sees what’s going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently. “Pssst - hey Bernie”!, she says. Sister Bernadette asks : “What is it?” A little annoyed. Sister Carmel says : “Do you mind if we swap places”? Sister Bernadette replies : “What for”? Sister Carmel says : “Well, I wouldn’t mind gargling before you stick your ass in there”!

3

Mathematician

Anonymous

Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations?

Because they don’t believe in higher powers.

Priest

Anonymous

A priest, a rapist, a pedophile and a homosexual walk into a bar…

He orders a drink.

Jesus

Anonymous

I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. – Which makes me an eighth theist.

1

Goat

Anonymous

What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? – A pimp.

1