What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin mobile.
Q: Why can't science be combined with religion?
A: Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you.. From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.
I believe "Self-Babtism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt"