What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.

What is the difference between a Catholic priest and Acne? – Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

How do you get a nun pregnant? – Dress her up as an alter boy.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah.”

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to Hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”

When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy. But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)

When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that that’s not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin’ Catholic.

Cannibal eats missionary, gets a taste for religion

What’s the most fun a monk can have?

Nun.

Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into towers.

What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? – A pimp.

Where did Noah keep his bees? – In the ark hives.

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

I was raised a Catholic and my priest told me when I was 12, “God is watching you when you masturbate”.

I said, “Is God a pedophile too, Father?”

I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. – Which makes me an eighth theist.

What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? – American teenage girls get stoned before they have sex.

Whats the difference between NASA and religion

NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers