How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and Acne? – Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? – A pimp.
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. – Which makes me an eighth theist.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin’ Catholic.
Where did Noah keep his bees? – In the ark hives.
Muslims love to exaggerate, that’s why they always blow things up.
How do you get a nun pregnant? – Dress her up as an alter boy.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? – American teenage girls get stoned before they have sex.
Why does Jesus never vacation on earth?, because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick and their still talking about it
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
How does Moses make his coffee?
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
What’s the most fun a monk can have?
Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations?
Because they don’t believe in higher powers.