Religion

Religion Jokes

Science

Q: Why can't science be combined with religion?

A: 'Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.

Teenage girl

What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.

Memes

Land Mine

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

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  • Jonah

    A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.

    The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

    The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."

    The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"

    The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

    Bike

    When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

    Jesus

    Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.

    Friend

    When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.

    But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)

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  • Grave

    Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?

    Yeah, they're pretty holey.

    Pedophile

    I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."

    I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"

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  • Jesus

    Of course Jesus wasn't a virgin! He obviously liked being nailed!

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  • Acne

    What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

    Politician

    What do you get when you cross a panhandler, a politician, a lobbyist, a prostitute, a sodomite, and a Jehovah's Witness knocking on your door at your house to convert you to their religion?