I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

What is the difference between a Catholic priest and Acne? – Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.

What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? – American teenage girls get stoned before they have sex.

Muslims love to exaggerate, that’s why they always blow things up.

I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. – Which makes me an eighth theist.

What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? – A pimp.

Where did Noah keep his bees? – In the ark hives.

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale.

How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

How do you get a nun pregnant? – Dress her up as an alter boy.

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

Why are Jews buried standing up. So the money stays in their pockets

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

how many jews can you fit in a car 2 in the front 2 in the back 1,000 in the ash tray

What’s the most fun a monk can have?

Nun.

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin’ Catholic.