Priest jokes
Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?
A: They both love naughty souls.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.
In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"
The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."
In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"
The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."
In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"
The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."
Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.
One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies, after considering the position he was in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive," but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.
What do 3-year-old boys say after going to confession?
"My bum hurts!"
How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.
What kind of sex do priests love?.
Nun.
What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?
A: They both want Anthony's neck.
What do Priests and School shooters have in common?
They both blast little kids in the face.
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
What's a priest's favorite fruit?
Cantaloupe.
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
Ashes to ashes, priests prefer boys, 'cause they don't have to shave their asses.
What is an Italian massage?
An Italian Catholic priest giving a blowjob inside the confessional booth during Lent.
A priest walked in and said to the kids,
"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"
Why is that kid walking like that? Oh, he's an alter boy.
Why did the orphan go to church?
It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."
Hey kids, are you ready for Faptisim?