Kind Jokes

Daniel King
in Star

What kind of star ⭐️ would go to jail?

A shooting star 🌠!

Anonymous
in Animal

What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?

Deer balls. They're under a buck.

4
Anonymous
in Sea

Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible. "Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Hotel
in Dream

What kind of dreams do hotels have?

Suite dreams

Anonymous
in Music

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" -- The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

5
Anonymous
in Animal

What kind of bees eat brains?

Zombees.

2
Daniel King
in Bagel

What kind of bagel 🥯 can fly?

A plain.

a
in Star Wars

What kind of car does yoda drive. A toyoda

Jasmine
in Depression

It's funny that everyone is depressed like I mean Bullys are depressed Nerds are depressed Bad girls/boys are depressed Kind humans are depressed

Anonymous

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

0
BrassChamp
in Orphanage

What is the one kind of work orphans don’t know, homework.

ANONYMOOOOOOOSE
in Angel

What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear

Anonymous

Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make sour patch kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make sour patch kids

Daughter: Oh that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny…

I conducted a survey. I asked 100 woman what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said how the fuck did you get in here? 😂😂😂

Bob77
in Offensive

So a Irish man is walking his poodle and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints. So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says sorry you can’t go in. The Irish man says why can’t I go in? Well you have a dog sir and that sign over there says no dogs aloud your going to have to leave him outside. Well the Irish man thinks quick and says. I’m blind it’s a seeing eye dog. The owner says that’s ridiculous a seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that. The Irish man says well what kind of dog did they give me??😂

0

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.

Anonymous

What kind of tea do wealthy people own?

Proper-Tea.

Kill 'em with kindness

I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster

Austin Terry

How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the the dash.

Aiden

heres a list of puns not all of them are mine

1.Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

2.Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

5.Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

6.Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

7.Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

8.How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

9.That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

10.My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!